Vanilla Twilight (chp.3)

Chapter 3

" To fear on being alone is just a weak thought made by you who seems to be afraid of not having anyone around near or close.."

I was always alone but not until you came back. But it all has changed for the one whom I always wait shall not make himself appear back again at the scene. There was I, alone once more and forever will for the fact that no one was there to fill my empty nights from the very moment you left me.

My swollen eyes made me feel so weak and dead tired for the eyesight, giving me a sign that it was time for me to drown myself in a deep sleep, shutting the world and of course, the thought of you too. I put nothing but your t-shirt on to keep me calm in the night while trying myself not to think that your presence would only be the wind that whispers and blows. I was all ready for my dream mode but something has stopped me, only to realize that one sliding door of our balcony is wide open as it was letting the wind from outside to chill the room even more. The sheer curtains gently fly as the air blows in and the city lights caused a mirage on our bedroom floor only to reveal a shadow of a man sitting calmly under the moonlight of the dark sky above.

My mind took me back in time where each and every night during your band’s hiatus, you were always there, outside on our little balcony that has the view of the Berlin City which most definitely be your favourite spot to take a smoke. You would even just lounge there for a fresh air as to put your mind at ease, letting the atmosphere surrounds you to inspire you more on your art of song writings.

“Baby, aren’t you coming to sleep?” After peeking him behind the sheer curtains, I’ve made myself appear by hugging him tight from behind and gave him a soft peck on his cheek.

“Oh not yet, I’ve got a lil more inspiration raining down on me and so I shall continue writing. I’ll be inside in a few, okay?” In a sitting manner, he reached my face so that his lips would present me with his precious tender kiss.
“Baby, ewwwwwww...burnt charcoal alert!” I pulled away immediately assuming I’ve just tasted a mouth of a smoker.

“Opps, sorry baby.” He just grinned.

“I’ve told you in million times already that I hate you smoking this crap!” I grabbed his pack of cigarette and threw it on the floor with rage. Quickly I went back inside, trying to control my frustration anger.
“Annika..”
I truly hated this one bad habit of his, puffing those icky cigarette one after another, not only made me breathe some hazardous air but made him suffer a sickness inside without him even noticing it. He smoked like a chimney and somehow, it was an addiction to him. Started out at a very early age was to be the right fault of it all. Quitting was the only option but he never made an effort to do so until the very last minute which was way too late for merely a human to change a fate.

My heavy eyes woke me up to a dark surrounding, it was the night where I found him nowhere on the bed, lying beside me. Our bathroom lights were switched on, it was a right guess for me that he was out to the loo. He came back to the bed but just sat there, pressing his hand over his chest while slowly breathing the air in and out. It was weird to see him with whatever he pulled as an act for that night.

“Baby, are you okay?” I asked him upon his strange behaviour as I grabbed a hold to his other hand.

“Hey, did I wake you, angel?” He turned to me and the question I’ve just asked was nothing but ignorance to him as he pretended he didn’t hear it. “Go back to sleep.” He sunk me back to dreamland with a kiss on my forehead and in my ears I could hear a melody of a soothing lullaby, my favourite song, sung only by him.

The clock has turned and passed, after a while, my eyes were seeing the ceiling of our bedroom again. I was back to reality as a sound of persistent cough came from the person close to me. He got up again and took a gulp on a glass of water on the side table but it was still a failure help since he just couldn’t stop coughing through the night.

“Your throat is itching go and have more water, you don’t wanna ruin your voice now.” I’ve managed to say in a half awake state.

He didn’t say anything, just got up, took the glass and went out from our bedroom. When he came back, he was glad that I was already fallen into a deep sleep. However, my disturbing night didn’t just stopped there, as Bill continued to make some noise with his unstoppable coughs. “Bill, you sure you’re alright?” My eyes were wide open this time to ensure my lover was all fine.

“Yes, I’m fine just that my throat is killing me like crazy!” He explained and kept letting go of his sudden crazy coughs.

“You should find something to clear that sore throat of yours. There’s a cough drop in our medical box, go and have a look there, baby.” I suggested.

He just nodded and walked away, again leaving me alone in our bedroom. When the Sun came up as the morning slowly fades in, I’ve realized that he was not there next to me on the king size bed, to greet me with a morning kiss, a soft touch gently stroking my face and those dreamy chestnut brown eyes for me to be dazed by. Instead, I found him on the living room couch, sleeping silently uncomfortable.

“You, poor thing.” I was awed to see him in a dead sleeping mode, all thanks to the cough issue he was suffering on the night before for giving him less hours to sleep in on the precise hours of sleeping.

Although, the couch was quite small for his size considering his feet were literally hanging but he didn’t complain at all as he was the one who volunteered for making it as his bed. One peck on his cheek was given by me as a thank you gift on letting me have a pleasant sleeping time without any disturbance to wake me. He knew I would be easily up even if there was a little sound produced, yes my hearing sense is sharp but it didn’t bother me if the sound came from him who was being utterly sick. And yet, he would still be a gentleman, knowing every right move on how treat the ladies nicely right.

He was truly one in a million. But I guess, you can say when that one and only has disappeared, it is back to the count of zero. Yes, as hard for me to accept and admit but reality has stated that my one in a million is nothing but a nil, now.

to be continued...